Regrets

Until a few (maybe one or two) years ago I used to say that I had no regrets. Everything I had done or hadn't was fine. 

Well, maybe regrets are a "grown-up thing" and as I grow up they are born...or realized.

So, I regret.....

* situations I pushed things (and in the end I realized I didn't have to)

* two choices of boyfriends I have made in the past (with the life philosophy, political beliefs and ideas I have today I wouldn't make them)

* the times I wasn't 100% myself

* for all the "fuck you"s (metaphorically and literally) I didn't say when I had to

* the times I was afraid of doing something and in the end.... I didn't do it

* the times I didn't give the answer (or no answer, that's an option too) they deserved to some people

* the moments I could have been happy but I wasn't

I fell in love and I learned my share of lessons

I really loved someone for the first time in my life. 

Past tense. 

And now I know a few more things about myself, love and life.

Present tense.

1. Since you have fallen in love once, you can do it again.

(There's a stage where you're thinking that you won't be able to love again, that he/she was the one that created the special feeling of love for you.....guess what, if you felt it once it means you have it in you and it also means that it's going to happen again.)

2. People and situations rarely change.

(Change is possible, but only if people can and want to change things.)

3. Relationships must be about happiness.

( If you're in a relationship and you start not being happy, probably it's time to leave.)

4. Never let anyone take away that (even small) personal space you own and deserve.

(It's one of the healthiest things in the world for the two members of a relationship to have some personal time.)

5. In general, in life, you should prefer love than hate, happiness than misery and calmness than rage.

(That's the theme of other "microcosm" posts, I know. And yes, you can make these choices.)

6. Trust your instinct.

(For good, for bad, for love, for friendship, for life, for people and for situations. Always listen to the things you hear from deep inside you.)

7. Life is short, so get up and act!
(Don't wait for the perfect timing and be more brave, in general.)

8. Never lose your faith.

(You may have faith in yourself, a dream, people, a higher power, life, whatever it is for you, don't stop believing. Never!)

New rules of (my) life

There are thoughts and ideas that are always in your mind, coming and going depending on the circumstances. And then there comes a moment when everything's falling into place and it's TIME to feel them to your core and adapt them so you can live the rest of your life (or a big part of it, until the next period of self-searching comes).

The last three weeks I realized so many things about  myself and life and I'm already living according to my new discoveries!

* Prefer love than hate. 

Hate and negative feelings can only harm yourself, your "insides" and it's definitely not good to wish something bad to other people. 

So, wish for everyone to be ok and happy!

* Time passes and life is short.

You should try to live the best you can and be true to yourself, your needs and your dreams. Things might not go exactly as you plan, but at least you'll come as close as you can to the life you wanted to live!

* Don't run.

I used to be that kind of runner who runs from awkward feelings, from moments where things get uncomfortable, from feelings, from myself, from others. The difference between running and staying there living what's happening it's huge. Sometimes it's hard when it happens, but afterwards you take a bunch of things with you.

* The world sucks, but each one of us can create his/her own life and "microcosm".

Yes the world we live in is far from ideal but this doesn't mean that we're going to live the life others choose for us. In the end we must be able to say "I have lived the best I can" (like a Korn song says).

* Happiness it's definitely a choice.

It's a choice you make on a daily basis. Even in the worst of times, beauty and happiness exist and can be found.

7 days (of a broken heart)

I'm one of these people who break a lot and cry a lot (you can call us hypersensitive).
Oh, I still believe in real love in our days (and I'm not going to stop believing).

And seven days ago my then boyfriend broke up with me (plus told me that he had done something with another girl).

Hello hell!

And days passed and now I have a list of things I'm thinking and saying to myself (and I'm going to say to others when they'll come where I am now and they'll need my help):

* Grieve and cry as much as you want. Over and over. For hours and whole days.

* Be prepared to hurt a lot (the more you felt and have counted on someone the more you'll hurt).

* Be prepared to think about what happened from all points of view (why, was it your fault, etc).

* There will always be people who are going to stand by you when you're in need (a big thank you for those who took the time to help!).

* Give yourself the chance to say some last words to your ex - other half. Don't curse, it's not good, but just say what you think. It's your last chance to do something like that. But then stop having any contact. 

* Talk a lot and share your feelings and thoughts about your broken heart. I did it and it was so helpful, it helped me start seeing things clearer, see things from other points of view, feel that someone is next to me and many more.

* At some point, you should start seeing things clearer, look at the relationship you had from a fresh (more realistic and less sentimental) point of view. In the end you (might) realize that things weren't ideal and that there might have been things you didn't want to see clearly when you were still in the relationship.

* One of the worst things are the flashbacks. I had my whole relationship passing in front of my eyes for days. But, at some point you should start controlling your memories and thoughts. A great help to that will be to.....

* .....start doing things. Things you like, plans that were left in the drawer for some time, continue being who you are (or used to be).

* Give yourself time and everything will be ok eventually.

* Try to turn around bad things that happen, so they can be good for you. For example for seven days now I didn't have an appetite. At first I was eating something just to eat and now I'm starting to feel hungry now and then, but I see it as a chance to lose the weight I had gained lately.

* Remember that what really counts is the actions that others do and not their words.

* In case you're a positive person don't forget about it, because that's a great thing for the post break up period. For example, find something to make you smile daily.

* Remember that everything that reminds you of him/her will eventually remind you of something else or it won't hurt so much.

* Think of the future and the things to come. I like to believe that the best things are going to come in the future.

* It's ok to think about the things you didn't do and those you did and you liked them so much, but there comes a time when you should replace those thoughts with the thoughts of the things you 're going to do in the future.

* Be proud of yourself. You are who you are, you've treated as good as you could the other person, shit happens, but don't let it effect the way you see yourself. It really helps me when I look at the mirror and like what I see, I feel nice.

* Don't stop being happy for others and don't stop helping others. It's a good way to be open to happiness (that will come in the future).

* Even if you are more broken hearted than ever ( I know that I am) don't let your heart close. Let it open because it will be whole and happy again.

Like you!

Birthday Wishlist

In one week I'm turning 26!

So, I thought of making a wishlist!

First of all, I would like the day of my birthday to be special, do 

 something special, with my special people (I'm thinking of visiting a museum and have a great meal for lunch or dinner).

And here's my wishlist:

1. A tulle dress.

(Classic choice for me)

2. A bag full of goodies from Accessorize.

(Recently I visited one of their stores and I found so many cute trinkets!)

3. A jewelry box with music and a ballerina.

(One of these jewelry boxes that play music and a ballerina spins rounds around herself when you open them)

4. Books.

( I read a lot and fast, so I always want more! Art, crime, theater....)

5. Something with polka dot.

(I love flowers, stardust, but I think polka dot is my favorite pattern)

Yes, feels nice to make a wishlist!

The resolutions of 2015!

Happy New Year!

Oh, new year, new organizer (bought my first original Filofax, in purple) and....

 new resolutions list!!!

I love this time of the year, when I can make a list of the things I want to do during the whole year!

Last year my list had only four goals. I worked for all of them but in the end I accomplished two. 

This year I'm more of a daydreamer and the list is much bigger. Here's a part of it:

* Spice up my personal style. 

I think that growing up I'm becoming less eccentric. I started working on my appearance by dying part of my hair (which is usualy dyed blue). So now I'm wearing a combination of brown, blue and purple hair!

* Smile.

Lately I realized that smiling makes you fell better instantly!

* Take care of my body and soul.

Workout more, eat better (and less) food, etc.

* Finish my video art project.

I've been trying to do this since last year.

* Work even more with my jewelry brand, Daily Art by Angelina.

When you're a one person business there's a lot to do, from designing and creating to promoting your work, and always something extra you can add to your "to-do-list"!

* Improve this blog.

New things coming!

* Volunteer.

I've been thinking for quite some time to volunteer to a cause.

* Maybe travel. 

"Maybe" is about the money factor. Last few weeks I'm watching a tv show where two guys travel the world and Ι heve started feeling very strongly the need to see the world (or part of it)!

Plus, being inspired from the facebook games where you have small goals to accomplish, I thought of setting one or two each month. I'm starting with reading four books and workout and meditate daily, for january.

Have a very very nice year and good luck with your own resolutions!!

The "things I like each day" project.

For some days now I'm working on this personal project. 

Each day, I write down a list of things I noticed and liked during the day. 

It can be a scenery, an object, colors, an outfit, a fabric, a shop, a gesture, a person....

The first day, for example, I liked:

~ On the subway: an old man with a grey suit, with white stripes. He was probably going to visit someone because he was carrying a pastry shop box (also grey, with a white bow on top).

~ Looking outside the bus: a couple with matching traditional African outfits, made of ecru lace-like fabric. Plus, the lady was wearing a blue turban with gold thread embroidery on it.

~ The dream I saw, where a lady gave me a box full of things that could make you happy (something like magic, because I can't remember what exactly the things where).

The project goes very well. It makes me focus on the positive side and discover small, beautiful things!
You should try it yourselves!