Vacation past

Some of the best vacation I had so far were these of my childhood, in Agios Andreas.

Agios Andreas is a village in Peloponnese (Greece), about one and a half hour away from the house where I grew up.

The village is a combination of mountains and sea. Its main part is located on the foot of a mountain and there's also a part of it which is by the sea.

I've been on vacation there, with my family, as long as I can remember myself. I have been there lots of times with my beloved late grandpa, with family friends and my family even made some great friends there, about twenty years ago.

To go there, there's a road, up the hills, with view at the sea.

When you're almost there, there's a small pond (with extremely cold water I must say), with small marbles in the bottom, where the waters are supposed to be therapeutic. There where small turtle in there too, a few years ago.

This pond is continued to a lake, which at some point meets the sea. 

The beaches of Agios Andreas are a combination of small rocks and sand. But I mainly remember the sand. Inside the sea, there are many rocks (which I am afraid of since I was a kid, I can only imagine what lie beneath the rocks, maybe nothing (or just sand as one friend of mine says), but still....) but if you walk/swim for a few meter you'll discover a great sand bottom!

When I was still at school, my family and I used to rent a flat which was only a few meters away from the beach. I was lying down on my bed at noon, on my side, and I was watching the sea...

From that flat, I also remember the smell of the gas cooker while my mother was making coffee or cooking, the smell of Dettol when she was cleaning (and actually Dettol is ever since reminds me of something very pleasant) and the old fashioned sweets we where buying from a pastry shop in the village.

Oh, I love those beaches! I can remember myself playing, reading and swimming there. 

If you take a walk a long the shore, you'll end up on a hill, where there are just a couple of coffee shops and taverns and a small port from where the fishermen of the village go off with their beautiful boats. 

I've had many meals in the tavern on the top. I remember the vintage chairs there where there when I was a kid. And the view from there is just.....dreamy and spectacular! Watching the rocks, in front of you, starting from under your feet and continue until they meet the sea water!

Very precious memories....

and I would love to have a collection of photos to match them, but I preferred a screenshot of a map.

And the collection of photos matching the memories are a great idea for a photography project and one more visit there this summer...!

For now I'm sipping my coffee to the sunny memories and to the photo frames that start forming in my mind!

Reinventing happiness (no.2)

Today I watched "The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel" (and the movie following it, "The Second Best Exotic Marigold Hotel"). It's about a hotel in India and its elderly guests. 

All  this color....!! Shades of yellow, and red, and blue, and purple, and green, and almost every other color that exists! And all the fine embroidery on the fabrics and clothes! All the beautiful patterns in architecture, jewelry and on any element that catches your eye! Well, it's a Hollywood movie after all, it can't be 100% accurate to the real thing, but still looks amazing!

You look at all these beautiful things and you can't help but think that if there's so much color to lighten up the world, the world can't be a very bad place. At least not always....

Plus the idea of travelling and getting to know different cultures, seeing new things, taste, smell.... I should travel someday....! But maybe watch some trevelling documentaries for now.

(image source: imdb.com)

P.S. Those beautiful couple of lines in the end of the second movie, spoeken by Muriel Donnelly (the character of Maggie Smith):

"You have no idea now what you will become, 

don't try to control it. 

Let go.

That's when the fun starts."

"Confetti lights" (a photo)

The spark and the fire

(image via wikipedia.org)

In three days from now, it's a special anniversary for me. 

It's my one year anniversary and I think that that's the first and the last time I'm going to celebrate it.

One year ago, on the 25th of February, the end begun.

You see, myself back then was a person that didn't open up easily and wasn't letting everyone in. So, when I let someone in and they chose the exit (especially when they could have done it in a much better way, much...!) the end begun. The end of an era. The end of a big part of my life.

(I have written here again and again and again about it. And about all the things that happened during the last year. Humour me with this one.)

As I was saying the end begun. And hard times started. And a chaotic period begun as well. And more bad and unpleasant thing kept coming my way during a whole year. 

And I fighted, I was defeated, I fighted back again, and this happened a few more times. During one year I managed to grow. And changed a lot, I became a better version of me (for myself first of all) and I improved my life. 

2015 was my year of change.

2016 is the year of confidence, of growing even more.

But I think that I really have talked a about all the details of my change, I would like to focus on the anniversary.

Well, every fire needs a spark to start. If there's no spark probably there won't be any fire. I mean, sometimes I'm thinking that if the event of the 25th of February haven't happened, chances are that I wouldn't have done all I've done. Because yes, more things shook me up a lot during the year, but I think that this was the spark.

The spark that started the fire!

Fire can destroy everything, but you can manage to tame it or let it burn and take its time until it's the right time to put it out.

It's in your hand to decide what you're going to do with it! 

And one year after, there are many burnt things, along with a part of myself. All these won't come back to life. Never.

But they gave space to new thing to grow in their place.

Maybe some things were already burnt.

Maybe the new things that grew were always there and they were blocked in some way or waiting for their time. 

And their time started, 25th of February, 2015.

And one year later I am so happy and grateful. 

The way I feel today about myself, my life, all the people and the world around me....

are worth every second of sadness, cry, rage, fighting. 

Totally worth it!

So, I reach to the conclusion that maybe, no one should be afraid or bad things to come, hard times can prove more helpful and precious that you think. And yes, you're going to need to fight, but the truth is that when "shit happens" you have no choice; you're going to fight. And eventually win.

Happy sunny day!

Today I woke up to this wonderful day. Hot and sunny! I love the hours that the sun is up, and when this time of the year comes I love them even more, because just by taking a look outside the window I automatically think:

"Spring is almost here!!!!"

Yes, I feel this way, every year. Usually from the first sunny days of February, I think that spring is almost here.

Spring, birds singing, higher temperature, less clothes, sun's warmth upon my skin, its light filing my eyes (ok, behind the sunglasses most of the times)! When sun is shining I feel more hopeful, like good things are going to happen in the following months (until summer)!

Time to get outside and do some photosynthesis!

Wheeee!

Photo of the day!

Rule the world!

Apart from the not-so-good days and the neutral ones, there are the great ones.

Those days that something is different, even if you're not sure what exactly is that.

There are days that you feel like you can rule the world, that everything seems totally possible!

You feel like you can  do all the things that usually scare you. And a ton more...!

The world seems less ugly.

Hope is stronger than ever.

And day-dreaming is the most natural thing in the world!

(gif from giphy.com)

A list of happiness

There's this thing I'm doing when I'm not in the best mood. It's actually a few things. 

I have a list of things that make me happy. And I use them when needed.

They don't have to be big ones, sometimes the smallest things can do a lot...!

Things that make me happy....

* percussion

* smiling

* birds (singing, flying, bathing)

* the sky

* confetti

* singing

* the stars 

* Vivaldi's "Summer"

* raspberry red

* drawing

* taking photographs

* snowglobes

* taking notes

Two photos, almost ten months apart

Sometimes is nice to look back and compare the past with the present. 

See how things have changed. 

A few minutes ago a painting on my wall caught my eye and and I started thinking how a photograph can reflect how you feel at a certain period of time.

So, here's a comparison.....

1.

That's one of my paintings for my "Wrath Project" (and the one on my wall right now). 

It was done about 10 months ago. Apart from the variety of red shades, I used a knife, a razor and a pair of scissors for this one. 

And it was reflecting my inside so well at that point.....! I can still remember the feeling today, just by looking at it.

And here's the present.....

2.

All these colors, this pretty thing with the confetti (accidentally) on top of it, oh my...! 

There's always a pinch of black, but brighter colors rule these days.

Colorful things and big doses of joy. 

Pretty well done......!

Birthday party!!!!

So, I turned 27!

And I had a partyyyyy!

(*Photos taken by me and some friends.)

I am (part two)

I am turning 27 soon

(basically in some hours).

I am someone who's mind doesn't cooperate sometimes and it makes me freak out, making me believe I might have o.c.d. (must check this out).

I am a strong believer of the ugliness of the world we live in, so I try to create my own microcosm with pinches of positivity and fairydust.

I am now filling what love means.

I'm learning to speak my mind for real.

I'm trying to look at myself from a fresh point of view.

I am doing my best for the things I like and love, but I'm not giving my 100% for these that I don't really want.

I'm crying sometimes when I think of certain things I have accomplished or things and people I didn't have in my life in the past, but now I do!

I am saying to myself that "it's ok, you're human after all" whenever I feel bad or stupid for something I have done or said

(we don't need extra guilt and shame coming from ourselves).

I am an adult and I am now able to keep my calm when a certain problem occurs

(at least much more than I used to).

I am an adult and I can make my own choices.

I am more liberated and happier than I used to be one year ago

(and maybe two years, three years, twenty seven years?!).

I am expecting more.

Dear 2015....

I'm glad I met you. I really am. I might even be grateful that you came. A few days ago I accidentally found myself going through my facebook (a.k.a. the version of our lives for others to see) posts, thoughts and photos and it felt like another life. Like I used to have a life and now I have another one, a new one.

2015....you crushed me. You totally did. I felt I was betrayed by a couple of people. I felt I reached my limits quite a few times (four to be exact). I felt lonely, many times. I felt so disappointed. I felt I was stuck. I felt so insecure (a lot!). I felt fear. I felt the loss of my faith to things and people. I felt the chaos that was my life for a few months. 

2015.... while you were here I broke and reassembled myself, not one, but a couple of times (or more).

2015.....you marked me. I changed (or better I evolved), because I basically had no choice to do otherwise. And maybe after all it was the time for change.

2015....during your stay I managed to do some things:

* I met many new people!

* I made new friends!

* I exited my comfort zone!

* I created good relationships with other people!

* I had the chance to feel how having a hard crush on someone feels like!

* I made a band!

* I made new things for my career!

* I made new plans for my career and my life in general!

* I created many pieces of art!

* I wrote many poems, articles, lyrics for songs, texts, posts!

* I became more social!

* I learned that you never know what's coming next in life!

* I learned that you can survive a lot as a human being in life!

* I turned from being a "vase" made of thin glass that breaks easily to being a "wall" (with cracks, but still a wall)!

* I learned how to express what I feel in a much better way!

* I couldn't stop my brain from over-thinking and over-feeling, but I managed to turn all that energy into art and in general control my feelings and thoughts more than I used to in the past!

* I finally got over false ideas about my appearance (special thanks to a friend for that)!

* I cut ties with things and people that were more harming than good for me or that they didn't make me feel ok!

* Now I feel ok with being me, much more than I used to to in the past!

2015....I'm still working on things, learning and try to become a better person.

2015....sometimes I feel like I really started to LIVE my life while you were here (even though many bad stuff happened, but I turned them into better ones), so I guess I'm saying goodbye kink of whimsically!

Love, a hug and a kiss on the cheek!

Angelina  

            

"Dear Santa"

Dear Santa,
  (erase)

Dear Life,

     December is here and as always I'm thinking about the year that comes to an end. Plus it's time for my wish. 

     I got it, ok, in life you can never know what's going to happen for sure. Many bad things can happen. Only you can create "magic". You can live even when people you used to love aren't in your life anymore. You're stronger than you think. You shouldn't lose your faith in people, because there will be those that will prove you wrong. There's so much beauty in the world. 

    I don't know if you remember my last year's letter, but this year I'm an other version of myself. From being the person that couldn't look other in the eye (because I was feeling uncomfortable thinking that they could see inside my soul), I now know that what really counts is what people have inside their soul. Now, I'm doing things that I love (or adore, is that a better word?!). Now, I know what I really really want from my life and others around me. I'm grateful for what I have, for the things I lost and found again and for the brand new ones I've gained.

    So, as for my wish......I want two things. The one is to have my own creep. My own special creep. I think it's time, don't you think? I have been through enough and some outside-from-my magic-zone happiness would be wonderful! You know that I want simple things that in the same time are the fairydust in reality. A creep that will be there, a creep that will hold your hand sometimes is all you need. Sometimes you only want to "enjoy the silence", because "words are meaningless".

    Secondly, I want to see happy people around me. Please life, make their whishes come true too. Our souls should be happy these holidays.

    Well, that's what I want. I'm an atheist, so I don't believe in a god to whom I can pray, but I write this, like I'm making a wish and throwing it in the wind. I'm trying to believe that very good things can happen.

Angelina

A sweet comfort quote

Since the day I bought this and I looked at it from this angle it seems like it says these words to me....

(pink imagination)

"They may say" (a poem)

They may say

there's no such thing in life

But I dare

to speak out, dream and fight

They may say

I must compromise to survive

But I dream

and create my own world in life

They may say

there's no magic left aside

But I believe

in sparkle, rainbows, love, feeling alive!

Is happiness a taboo?

Blast from the past again.....

It was one day in junior high, I must have been around 14 years old, and as I was walking down the stairs with a friend at school I say to her "Oh, I'm blissful!". There was a boy walking in front of us and by the time the word "blissful" was heard he turned and looked at me and I must say it was a....kind of weird look, kind of. 

My first thought at that moment was "why did he looked at me liked that, I said nothing weird, I said something completely normal and pleasant". My second thought was "is happiness something weird for some people?".

Here we are almost twelve years later (oh, time passes so fast....!) and I have been thinking for a while....

IS HAPPINESS A TABOO?

And maybe we're afraid of happiness deep down? 

Is it so weird for other people (or let's say the society) to express your happiness openly?

What, you have to be like "oh, I'm fine...", "ah,I'm ok..."?

Well, sometimes I feel (and everyone else as well) BLISSFUL!

And more than happy to express it......!

;-)

Adulthood

To friends and family I refer to 2015 as "the year I became an adult".

Bad and unpleasant things (and a few better ones) happened during the year and it was my time to move on,
leave my "Peter Pan syndrome" zone to become a new version of myself.

First impressions of adulthood:
- life is usually closer to chaos than in order (I have almost accepted it)
- you need patience (still dealing with this because I don't do well with being patient)
- hello more responsibilties and anxiety (the more the merrier....not!)
- psysical signs of getting older (oh yeah, my first grey hair and the frequent black circles under my eyes)
- things happen and you start losing your faith in people, situations and the possible "magic" that can happen (but I'm still fighting for my faith in all these things and I 'm never going to stop)
- being happy takes a little more effort (and sometimes a lot more effort)
+ doing the things you really want (cause time passes right?!)
 + you express your real self  (I have started not giving a damn)
 + you learn to depend less to others (friends, lovers and people go away and you always keep on going and being alive and well)
   + eventually your relationships with others become more honest (by saying what you think and feel, by listening to them)
+ no matter what happens life is going on

So....at 26 I became an adult, but......
a part of me was, is and always be a little kid and this keeps me balanced.

Sun is rising!