I've been there.....

*I listened to a song and the lyrics became the perfect trigger to remember some things......

I was the one who was looking herself in the mirror and was wondering where her smile went.

I was the one who, when in time of need, instead of help got even more pressure from the person who had to be there for her.

I was the one who reached her limits.

I was the one who felt so, so, so alone even when being with someone else.

I was the one who felt like a knife stabbed her and someone was turning it around her wound.

I was the one who felt like a carpet was pulled off under her feet.

I was the one who was crying while dreaming of laughter.

I was the one with faith until I had no more.

I was the one who someone took her crown off one night.

I was the one who started getting used to the idea that every happy moment is followed by a sad one.

I was the one who got used to unpleasant surprises.

I was the one who learned to smile as a facade sometimes.

I'm no more.....

"Creep"

"Creep" - Radiohead (acoustic version)

"Hurt"

One day, about 3 years ago, I was sitting on my sofa, with my laptop on my lap and I was listening to songs on YouTube. 

At some point I found a song called "Hurt", by Johny Cash. 

And I fell in love!

After some time I learned that this song was written by Trent Reznor of Nine Inch Nails.

 (what a soul he must have to write these lyrics...!).

It's basically my ultimate favorite, if I could sing only one song for the rest of my life this would be it. It's the one song that can bring tears to my eyes even if I'm in the best mood, it's the one song that when I listen to it the time and the world around me stop a little bit. 

Its lyrics are changing with me as time passes. At first I was feeling that some people were giving me their "empire of dirt", later that I did hurt myself, almost always that, yes, pain is one of the most real things in life. Nowadays, being in a period of change I keep thinking "what have I become?".

Plus, it will always remind me of the time when a period of depression started for me, 

of all the fragile moments in life and the pain that we come through eventually.

P.S. I think that this version is the best one ever: 

Trent Reznor - Hurt (Unplugged)

The things that never came...

(image from quotesgram.com)

Imagination is great for creating expectations. 

You can imagine all these great and beautiful things that you want to come in your life.

I know because I've been imagining and having expectations....basically for as long as I can remember myself.

When you're a child expectations can be simple: a gift, candy, a walk.....

But when you grow up, when you become a teenager, soon to be an adult, you start imagining and making plans for your life: what are you going to do, how your daily life is going to be, what will be your profession, how your relationships with friends and family will be, how are you going to meet love, the smallest and biggest things!

And then....life happens!

Some things might come (the way you imagined or another way), 

some others won't and these are going to be the ones that will give you a pinch to your mind/heart as time goes by.

And yes, many people say that is a lot better having a few (or no) expectations, but not everyone can do it. Some of us keep imagining and dreaming....even if there are times that those expectations bring us down...(for a while).

"They may say" (a poem)

They may say

there's no such thing in life

But I dare

to speak out, dream and fight

They may say

I must compromise to survive

But I dream

and create my own world in life

They may say

there's no magic left aside

But I believe

in sparkle, rainbows, love, feeling alive!

Is happiness a taboo?

Blast from the past again.....

It was one day in junior high, I must have been around 14 years old, and as I was walking down the stairs with a friend at school I say to her "Oh, I'm blissful!". There was a boy walking in front of us and by the time the word "blissful" was heard he turned and looked at me and I must say it was a....kind of weird look, kind of. 

My first thought at that moment was "why did he looked at me liked that, I said nothing weird, I said something completely normal and pleasant". My second thought was "is happiness something weird for some people?".

Here we are almost twelve years later (oh, time passes so fast....!) and I have been thinking for a while....

IS HAPPINESS A TABOO?

And maybe we're afraid of happiness deep down? 

Is it so weird for other people (or let's say the society) to express your happiness openly?

What, you have to be like "oh, I'm fine...", "ah,I'm ok..."?

Well, sometimes I feel (and everyone else as well) BLISSFUL!

And more than happy to express it......!

;-)

Being confortable outside my comfort zone

My first contact with the phrase "outside your comfort zone" happened about 3 years ago, through a TV series (I think I was already trying to get out of mine, but I didn't know there was a phrase about it). So, about 3 years ago I started writing about exiting my comfort zone and...try to make it happen! Yes, it was pretty hard and it went like one step forward, 2 steps back.

Until.....2015!

This glorious year....when I found myself into chaos, having not a single stability in my life for a while. And that's the point where something magical happened!

Having nothing to lose I started doing all the things that I was afraid or hesitant of doing:

* I volunteered to an art festival

* I asked others to go out more easily

* I started talking more easily to people around me

* I participated in workshops 

* I added my artwork and photography prints to my handmade objects brand (Daily Art by Angelina)

* I decided to bring my art photography to the next level and work towards making it a profession (Angelina Mavrogianni Photography)

* I started my first band (and I'm thinking of starting a second one too)

* I started getting used to talking to people I didn't know well (to do all the above I had to accomplish that too)

* I started publishing my poems to this blog (http://themicrocosminsidemymind.blogspot.gr/search/label/poetry)

* I started creating small videos with a cappella covers of songs I love

These are some examples of the things I accomplished during the year and to do them I had to go so outside my comfort zone....!

There were the good and the bad days, the days I was so much into doing something new and the ones when I didn't have so much courage, but I fought a lot, I worked a lot and today....

....the truth is I don't know where my comfort zone begins and ends anymore. 

I'm a little bit tired of trying so much sometimes, but magical things do happen outside your comfort zone and I've reached a point where the first thing that comes to my mind each time I accomplish a task is "what am I doing to do next to challenge my comfort zone?!".

Plus, I have started feeling comfortable with...not feeling comfortable 

and that's a marvelous feeling!