Lately, I had a couple of conversations about feeling empty after giving a lot, or in other words, after giving all you had, the 120% of you. I talked with people who told me that they have felt empty during their life after over-giving and even heard a story of going into emptiness after giving a lot to a man. I don' t really know how does that particular situation feels like but I have felt the total emptiness and I feel great about it, about the way it happened.
For the last 7-8 years I was studying singing. Which means that you have to study music, become a performer and work a lot with yourself, open up and learn to express your feelings. Singing its a combination of all that. So...about one year ago I took the final exam in the conservatory I studied at. The exam was like a small live performance, I had to sing in front of an audience 12 songs (one of them was written, words and music, by me and I was playing the melody on the piano while singing it). It had to be my best performance so far, I have worked a lot for it and I gave my 120%. It went very well, but after the end of the performance I started feeling weird.
It took me some time (months maybe) to realize what that feeling was:
emptiness.
I had given all of me, all my feelings, all my energy, and after that I was left totally empty inside. I remember being at the party I had after the exam, at my home, thinking I was thankful that all these friends came, but in the same time wondering what was wrong with me and how much I would like some alone time. I remember this void inside. I had given it all and I couldn' t feel anything. It was like I wasn't 100% there, like I was somewhere inside my head.
And that's how feeling totally empty inside felt like for me.
The truth is I liked it, I liked the fact that I was able to feel and give so much and I wish I have the chance to feel like that (through performance and my art in general) many times in the future!
(image by imgbuddy.com)
No comments:
Post a Comment