Lost faith

It was an afternoon in December 2015, when I realized that I have lost my faith in good things happening. 

And it was shocking and scary.

My childhood self, and even my teenage self, were imagining that beautiful things are going to come! Ultra happy moments, fairytale love (the Beauty and the Beast version, please), a great life, and things that would surprise me...!

Years started going by and things weren't going the way I wanted them. 

Unicorns don't exist, but life can still surprise you, right?! Maybe not after all...

 I say that we're the ones that can create happiness and I believe in it. But if you think about it there's a hidden truth inside this philosophy/quote. I don't expect life to bring me magic, so I try to create it myself. And all the years that have passed since the days I was a child or a teenager proved me that beautiful things you dream about don't usually come. 

Most of the times (ok, there are the rare situations that good surprises happen, but, they're extremely rare) the pattern that has been happening for quite a few years is: I expect something, it doesn't come, the sense of futility stays with me! Sounds like fun...not!

 I try to create magic and I succeed many times, but this is just me taking control. Me trying to create the life I want, because you can't expect anyone else to do it for you (oh, that's lack of faith in others too,  but that's a different story for another post).

So, that afternoon in December came when I realized that deep inside, I'm prepared for the bad things to come. I believe more in the bad things that are going to come and not in the beautiful unexpected ones. When I'm in a certain situation my belief that things aren't going to go the way I want them is much stronger than my hope for a good ending. Pretty disappointing to realize that you've reached that point...yes it is!

 And the question is....

can you repair your faith about something like this?