Sentimental survivor

(image: prwua.org)

 Remembering myself, even as a child, I have this image of a very sensitive person. As long as I can remember I was feeling too fragile, many situations were looking enormous to my eyes, I was crying more easily than the kids around me and at the point that I started having the basic idea that we all grow up and become adults one day....well then, I started thinking "how am I going to survive?". 

This thought continued during my adolescence. 

How was I going to survive in life being so sensitive?

Then adulthood came and at some point I started the procedure of toughening up myself. 

It failed. Gloriously! I basically ended up depressed for some months. I still remember that time.These were the days when I was at home, watching TV and not doing anything. During that period, three to four times a day, out of the blue, I was starting sobbing so hard. I was feeling that all the feelings I had suppressed for a couple of years were coming all together or that all the ugliness in the world was gathering herself inside me. 

I managed to get over it and started a procedure (that is continued until today) of accepting my feelings, my sensitivity and the fact that I am so fragile. Studying singing and having to perform and express myself helped a lot. Until one day (about one year after the depression), while working on one of my songs an image came to my mind. It was the point when I felt to the core how deeply I could feel. And the image was one of a very deep tunnel that had no end, you could only see darkness....

Today, I have managed to put all my energy and my feelings to my art (plus keeping a part of them for the people in my life). That's the way I survive and don't go mad from over-feeling and over-thinking. 

And lately, one day, I saw light in the end of the tunnel. 

So, the key to survival was to accept the way I was made.... 

I guess one day I'm going to accept it 100%.

One day.....