It's OCD, baby!

It all started ten years ago.
"I have to clean my desk before doing my homework".
"I have to take a bath before I go to sleep". The years I was studying cinema followed.
"Did I clean my hands properly?! I should do it again".
"Oh, what was that on the street?! Maybe my shoe came in contact with it. Maybe. I should clean it anyway".
Meanwhile I had already started opening doors with my foot instead of my hands. Being afraid of contamination. Or touching something, that the other members of my family had touched, with a piece of paper.
"I should go regularly to the toilet. I don't want any accidents happen!".
"Number 4. In my family there are 4 members. 4 is a good number. I should use it, so that everyone is ok."

Words.
All the above are just some words I decided to use, so anyone can have a basic idea of what this post is about.
These words are just examples and just a percentage of the real thing. 

Ten years after the first thoughts and obsessive compulsions things aren't ok.
With ten years of obsessive compulsions the world around seems different from the way most people see it. Danger is all around...! And being relaxed is a luxury not often enjoyed.

And no all these things aren't eccentricities or oddities.
"They might be O.C.D." I thought a couple of years ago when I first met the term while watching a documentary.

Today, I got my official diagnosis. 
I have Obsessive Compulsive Disorder.
Which basically means that I have constant thoughts and obsessions that lead to compulsive actions that lead to.... some kind of hell really.

But after all, it feels quite nice to have a name for my "companion" of so many years and known that it wasn't all in my imagination....

That's all for now.
Going back to working on that tricky OCD
;-)

Reinventing happiness (no.5)

Lately, I've been drawing a lot. 

Usually sitting in my balcony and creatin for hours and hours!

It's the basic thing that makes my mind calm down and reduces the almost constant thinking.

So, following lines and creating beauty, for me!

And color. 

A great part of my abtract art and collages. 

Having depression is like being in a constant state of...grey. It goes from light shades of grey to really really dark ones. And drawing and creating collages is a way for me to add color to my life. 

Every new colored pencil or pen I'm buying is like a choice I make, an addition of a certian scent and shade to a tough time....

Yes, I have obsessive compulsions and constant thoughts, and very bad and dark moments and depression, but I'm still making my choices and trying to make my everyday life better.

Sometimes, I only need a black pen, some colored ones and a good piece of paper!